I can’t keep what I have, if I don’t give it away.

Getting out of self is the only way to recover.   A smile, a kind word or gesture, helping out a friend and neighbor.  Today I got out of me by helping some special people in my life by cleaning their house and helping them to clean.  I don’t have much to offer but I do have my wisdom , strength , and experience.  It’s how we get better. How we move on. How we change.

 

This is only a part of my journey.

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Rock Bottom

If I had trouble believing in God before the events of the past week happened,  I now know that He is there.

Everyone asks, “Why?’.  Why did I start drinking heavily again?  What am I covering up?  I simply want to be me.  The problem is, I don’t know who I am.  That’s the purpose of this blog.  To help me to discover who I am.

In the past 3 weeks, as a result direct of my drinking I have gotten a DWI, lost my job, totaled my car and been to jail.  Now let me tell you were God comes in and how I found my faith again.  My car is totaled but I am still alive.  I got my job back.  I went to jail and I got bonded out.  If that is not God working in my life then I do not know what it is.

 

Have I had enough? Have I hit my bottom?  Yes.  I have had enough. Getting drunk doesn’t feel right anymore.  I am changing.  Sometimes it takes being totally broken to make a change. I am so blessed beyond my wildest dreams.  I have a mother that reminds me daily of how much she loves me.  I have  a family , that while I am sure questions my choices, supports and loves me.  A wonderful man named Leon who has been by my side through it all.  A man that has truely changed my life.  Who supports me, loves me and accepts me.  Two beautiful children that fill my heart with more love and joy than I ever thought possible. An employer that has time and time again gave me one more chance.  Friends that stick by me.  People that  believe in me.  And a faith in God that I never knew possible.

You got to faith it till you make it. I am reading a book by Naomi Judd called Transparent Life. This statement stood out to me. When all seems lost and without hope. At times when I feel lost, hopeless, and worthless. On the days when I think it can’t possibly get any worse. Feeling like I am not good enough. Or worthy enough. And when I just feel like giving up. I got to faith it. And hold on with all my might. Faith it. Faith it till I make it.

simplywanttobeme

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